I should know better.. my therapist is confounded by it as well, but I can't seem to lock my X out of my life. I started talking with her this week over another issue going on with my middle son, which then trailed off into some issues arising out of the PPO I have on her, and for some fool reason I accepted an invitation to lunch. In my defense - she said she had something that she urgently needed to discuss with me and didn't want to do it over the phone.. something in the tone of her voice.. I don't know, I am such a pushover.
Within minutes I am up to my eyeballs in sob stories over what the PPO is causing her - ie violation of her probation, my response should be something like "Tough shit", but I continue to listen.. and then the conversation takes a twist.
Her: I know you don't believe it but I need to have you in my life, I want you to be happy.. don't think I don't know about your secret, I have made what you do my number one priority.
Me: What?
Her: I know when you come and go, I know who you go to see, where you go, what you do. I know when you wake up, I know when you go to bed, I know where you are and who you are with when you are supposed to be at the store..
Me: Blank stare
Her: You don't have to worry - I won't tell anyone ever.. but I need you to know I want you in my life no matter how, I want you to be happy.. do you want to talk about this??
Me: Blank stare.. tears
Her: I have known for a long time, and I can accept it, I just need you to know it doesn't change anything about the way I feel for you.. No matter what I will always be here for you. I know what you want, and I am content to be whatever part of your life I can be, just don't shut me out because I can't live with that.
Me: Why would you do this? Why did you bring me here?? Is it time to finish me off?
Her: It isn't about that.. I want you to know you can talk to me, I know this hasn't been easy, and you are going through hell.
Me: Blank stare.. tears
Me: I have to go.
To be continued..
