Frequency

It is one movie that guarantees to choke me up.. and make me think. What if you could somehow go back in time and undo things..

OK time to back up here for a sec. A month ago I made a really sweet young friend who I dubbed Sexymod. There was an unexpected twist in this new friendship.. it turned out that he was fast falling for me.. and I felt like such a tool. It never occurred to me he could, and my presence was making him doubt some life decisions he had made, important ones.

I had explained when we first met that I had just finished a nasty divorce and was in no way relationship minded, as we chatted something about him just disarmed my most basic defense mechanisms, I led him into my world, including this place where I share things that I normally share with no one, never thinking it would happen that he might get hurt.

The irony is that I found myself falling for him too. If this had happened 20 years and a world apart he is totally the kind of guy I could have spent a lifetime with. But fate is often cruel and things don't always happen the way we would like them to. He is poised to go places in his career, his world is comprised of things I dreamt of when I was his age, and takes him to destinations and experiences that he should and will share with someone who has his same freedom.

The leaps I have made over the past few short months dwarf the past year. I have been a busy man.. and trying to keep the some of the details from him has definitely changed the way I write here. He knew I was seeing a few guys, and I think he began to think that if he gave up his decision to remain abstinent that I would change my mind about going further with him.. and what is worse is that I think he may have done something silly to this end. It would kill me to think I had a hand in that.

What he needs to know is that I'll always love him as a friend, but I can't ever let myself be more than that to him. It would only result in hurting him, as there is no way I can consider a relationship right now, and I know that he will find that guy like me who is his age and can run away with him as he makes his climb.

Even if it were possible to go back in time.. there are too many things that I cherish that I would lose if I undid what is done, and how could I ever choose that.


Goodies make the boys jump on
OR my big GAY assed weekend!

A date with "P", meeting him at his apartment, sweet man, slim dark haired, dark eyed, and funny. Sexy combination. We had a drink and hailed a cab taking us to
Necto aka the Nectarine. Much half naked dancing and drinking, a proper group grope by a bunch of young hotties that are way too young.. some truly shameless muscle flexing whilst cooling off in the outdoor courtyard and poor "P's" fate was sealed. My abs do look pretty bloody hot when I am soaking wet with sweat. YAY!

I about broke the poor boy when I got him back to his place.. he did his best to keep up. I drifted off to sleep wrapped around him, waking at 4:30 AM to scurry off so as to be home when Tiffany woke up.. the little bitch waited up for me.. I am grounded.

SaturGAY night.

"P" called and had me meet him at Club Gold Coast, which turned out to be an absolutely treacherous ride.. I hate this state, there is not a single fucking road that is not under construction, and I am directionally retarded anyway. I got there, the dancers were for the most part a snore, save one very HOT dark haired boy who had a flawless body..*sigh* I somehow wound up with my hand in his ass floss. I am pretty sure given a 10 minute conversation I could have left there with him.. damn.

"P" had a friend meet him there - young guy very large frame, he jokingly made a remark about the three of us and an orgy.. I laughed and said goodnight.

SunGAY
A quick chat this AM with "Med" (a med student I have been.. seeing), who is blonde, blue eyed, smooth and bloody gorgeous, YES he is also too young - but hell I think they all are and this one is just too pretty to ever say no too. It left me speeding to the other side of town for totally pornographic "I am so going to hell" Sabbath day sex. I'll repent the speed limit I violated, the two old ladies I cut off, the NO TURN ON RED that I ignored.. but coming through the door he left unlocked to slide in behind his tight naked body - nah. I love the way he moans my name.

Dear Lord,

When he moves to Chicago next month, please replace him with like kind quality.

Amen.