Top o the world Ma!
Every gay man should have at least one Med boy.. I've been auditioning his replacement(s) hehehhe. Although I have to tell ya'll it is hard to replace a guy that looks like Paul Walker and tumbles in bed like WCB.. *sigh*
It's been hot as hell here..
Sunday, July 17, 2005
Selling ones soul.
In the midst of my despair,I sold my soul back to Satan.. knowing I will hate myself for it later. Given my options it was the least of the evils. I am now his personal toy, to torture and confound with random acts of stupidity for the next several months. Just shoot me.. do it now. I hate this. No really.
On the up side I am guaranteed a cool place in hell.
I'm trying to keep up on my links, this week - traveling at the speed of light.. I'ts Miss Yaz! Angelina Jolie meets Salma Hayek! Seriously. I have ratted out all the sweet straight boys, who are all going to be acting like retards until they are at least 35. She has your ID.. when she comes your way just surrender.
My X has been really jammin me up lately.. I think I liked it better when she was hostile.. at least I had a view I could trust then. Leopards don't change their spots, all this sudden nice on her part makes me very uneasy. I've given Yaz advice that I should be taking.. always ALWAYS trust your insticts. My insticts are telling me I am being manipulated, and that there is something very dark afoot. I'm feeling like a puppet right now.
In the midst of my despair,I sold my soul back to Satan.. knowing I will hate myself for it later. Given my options it was the least of the evils. I am now his personal toy, to torture and confound with random acts of stupidity for the next several months. Just shoot me.. do it now. I hate this. No really.
On the up side I am guaranteed a cool place in hell.
I'm trying to keep up on my links, this week - traveling at the speed of light.. I'ts Miss Yaz! Angelina Jolie meets Salma Hayek! Seriously. I have ratted out all the sweet straight boys, who are all going to be acting like retards until they are at least 35. She has your ID.. when she comes your way just surrender.
My X has been really jammin me up lately.. I think I liked it better when she was hostile.. at least I had a view I could trust then. Leopards don't change their spots, all this sudden nice on her part makes me very uneasy. I've given Yaz advice that I should be taking.. always ALWAYS trust your insticts. My insticts are telling me I am being manipulated, and that there is something very dark afoot. I'm feeling like a puppet right now.
Saturday, July 09, 2005
To a special guy during one of life's difficult goodbyes, I send my heartfelt condolences.
The next big twist
Just when you think you have things figured out.. my X has an amazing ability to shock and surprise even me. A week ago after yet another veiled remark about what she knew - I decided enough was enough. I went to her place and demanded to hear the words.. I wanted hard evidence. I got it. She began reciting verbatim some very personal and rather graphic emails.. as if she had memorized them, every word. I was decidedly very freaked out, then she continued on to tell me she had seen my online profiles, that she knew who I chatted with - what plans we made, and so on. So she apparently has my system reporting to her some how?
Anyone who knows about these things feel free to enlighten me. The conversation was filled with tears, some on my part and many on hers. She genuinely does not want to let go of what we were - even though for the most part it was at it's best smoke and mirrors. She swears she hasn't told anyone else, I don't believe that and I told her as much - still she vehemently denies it. Were it not for the fact that she once faked an entire pregnancy to keep me from leaving I might actually suspend disbelief - fact is that her story of how it was she gleaned the info from my system is riddled with inconsistencies and it involves at least 2 other people having access to every intimate detail of my online life, and boys you know there isn't much that I withhold.
If nothing else came of the conversation I was able to get it through to her that there was no chance we would ever be again. It wasn't hateful, or hurtful, it was just truth. For the first time in years I saw her accept responsibility for her part in the end of our relationship, it was cathartic - there were many things that I got off of my chest, things I had buried. I do believe on some level this had to be one of the most real moments I have ever had with her. We finished the conversation on a friendly note, for the first time in more than 2 years I hugged her as I left.. this was huge.
On the fourth I went to an annual cookout my x sister in law throws. My X was there and it was honestly an enjoyable day. At one point I was floating on a raft next to her and she started picking out guys for me.. OK that REALLY was just weird.
She found out about the shoot in Windsor as well.. and actually called me slutty. Coming from her.. well nevermind.
Back to the shoot. Wow it has been a few, that was an experience.. try and make it across a border here in the US without your birth certificate. I wanted to snatch the bitch in Canadian Emigration bald. Like I remember getting busted for weed back in 1981. Gah! Bitch!!!
At the top of the list of things I should not have done the day before - volleyball in a muscle t, three hamburgers and 2 hotdogs,Jaeger bombs, followed by the 2 Jethro bowls of cherios the morning of, and then the euro trash hair.. as well as every street I took to get there.. there are no actual roads in Detroit, just a maze of double wide sidewalks lined with vagrants, hookers, and crack dealers, augmented with detours and traffic barricades.. and well, I could rant on for paragraphs because that is what gay guys do.
Of 360 shots these were the only presentable ones. Since I shot my mouth off I am somewhat compelled to put them here.
I already hate them.
It's a REALLY humbling experience stepping in front of a camera, and for whatever reasons the photographer wants to shoot again for another project, and the book guy wants me, I'm supposed to get the details next week. He better get a Liz Taylor lens.
I've been seeing more of "P", the College Dean, he and I have great chemistry and a mutual fear of commitment. I feel safe when I am with him. He makes me smile, cares about my opinion and oh yes, he really looks hot on me. Med boy called.. he is running the place - I knew he would.
The next big twist
Just when you think you have things figured out.. my X has an amazing ability to shock and surprise even me. A week ago after yet another veiled remark about what she knew - I decided enough was enough. I went to her place and demanded to hear the words.. I wanted hard evidence. I got it. She began reciting verbatim some very personal and rather graphic emails.. as if she had memorized them, every word. I was decidedly very freaked out, then she continued on to tell me she had seen my online profiles, that she knew who I chatted with - what plans we made, and so on. So she apparently has my system reporting to her some how?
Anyone who knows about these things feel free to enlighten me. The conversation was filled with tears, some on my part and many on hers. She genuinely does not want to let go of what we were - even though for the most part it was at it's best smoke and mirrors. She swears she hasn't told anyone else, I don't believe that and I told her as much - still she vehemently denies it. Were it not for the fact that she once faked an entire pregnancy to keep me from leaving I might actually suspend disbelief - fact is that her story of how it was she gleaned the info from my system is riddled with inconsistencies and it involves at least 2 other people having access to every intimate detail of my online life, and boys you know there isn't much that I withhold.
If nothing else came of the conversation I was able to get it through to her that there was no chance we would ever be again. It wasn't hateful, or hurtful, it was just truth. For the first time in years I saw her accept responsibility for her part in the end of our relationship, it was cathartic - there were many things that I got off of my chest, things I had buried. I do believe on some level this had to be one of the most real moments I have ever had with her. We finished the conversation on a friendly note, for the first time in more than 2 years I hugged her as I left.. this was huge.
On the fourth I went to an annual cookout my x sister in law throws. My X was there and it was honestly an enjoyable day. At one point I was floating on a raft next to her and she started picking out guys for me.. OK that REALLY was just weird.
She found out about the shoot in Windsor as well.. and actually called me slutty. Coming from her.. well nevermind.
Back to the shoot. Wow it has been a few, that was an experience.. try and make it across a border here in the US without your birth certificate. I wanted to snatch the bitch in Canadian Emigration bald. Like I remember getting busted for weed back in 1981. Gah! Bitch!!!
At the top of the list of things I should not have done the day before - volleyball in a muscle t, three hamburgers and 2 hotdogs,Jaeger bombs, followed by the 2 Jethro bowls of cherios the morning of, and then the euro trash hair.. as well as every street I took to get there.. there are no actual roads in Detroit, just a maze of double wide sidewalks lined with vagrants, hookers, and crack dealers, augmented with detours and traffic barricades.. and well, I could rant on for paragraphs because that is what gay guys do.
Of 360 shots these were the only presentable ones. Since I shot my mouth off I am somewhat compelled to put them here.
I already hate them.
It's a REALLY humbling experience stepping in front of a camera, and for whatever reasons the photographer wants to shoot again for another project, and the book guy wants me, I'm supposed to get the details next week. He better get a Liz Taylor lens.
I've been seeing more of "P", the College Dean, he and I have great chemistry and a mutual fear of commitment. I feel safe when I am with him. He makes me smile, cares about my opinion and oh yes, he really looks hot on me. Med boy called.. he is running the place - I knew he would.
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